


Awkward

by ALLITBB



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: AU, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-15 12:22:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20866160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALLITBB/pseuds/ALLITBB
Summary: So this started as a one shot. If you like the way it ended in my diddle collection and don't want to see this turn into a Bella squared then do not read this, because that's where this will end up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to turn this into it's own fic instead of just doing a part two so that we can get through all the angst so we can get to the good stuff without being confused.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2,892 words

"-so. After all of that. Stacie Lynn Conrad, will you marry me?" Beca was smiling sweetly. She watched as the love of her life cried with her hand over her mouth. _Happy tears. _She watched as Stacie removed her hand Beca's smile wavered and her heart started racing.

"I. No. No, Beca. I can't." 

Beca rose off her knees slowly. All of their friends weren't even looking at them anymore. Beca was trying to control the lump in her throat. "Um. Yeah ok. It's too soon, right? I mean we've only been together for two years and we've only lived together for six months. Now's just not the time, right? That's ok."

"Beca, no. I-" Stacie shook her head vigorously. "Why did you do this? I don't get it."

Beca furrowed her brows. "What do you mean? I love you, that's why. Babe it's ok. It can still be a good night. All of our friends are here to celebrate our second anniversary with us. Let's have a good night."

"That's not why they're here, Beca! I invited them over for a movie night! Why the hell would I invite them to an anniversary celebration?"

"It doesn't matter, Stace we can still have a good night."

Stacie sighed and shook her head. "Beca, I need you to go."

"What? Stace, I live here too you can't just ask me to leave because you need space." Beca turned to their friends who were still inspecting the floor. "Guys could you maybe just head out. I'm sorry I wasted your time." All of them started looking up at her. Some even took a few steps towards the door.

"No. No, I want them to stay and for you to leave."

"Stacie. This is my house too, you can't just make me leave." Beca was so confused. She had no idea what the hell was going on. "We don't have to fight just because you said no. We can still make this work."

Stacie was visibly starting to get mad. "Ugh! Why can't you take a hint! I don't want to make this work! We are twenty years old! You're talking about settling down and having kids and building a life when I'm still trying to figure out who I am! We clearly want two different things! And I can make you leave. My dad bought me this house. It is in my name! The only reason we are living together is because you lost your job and couldn't renew your lease!"

Beca's ears were burning from embarrassment. "Ok. I lost one job! I had plenty more gigs lined up. And I told you that I would just find a cheaper apartment but you told me to move in here!"

"Because you needed help! I'm not just some asshole who's gonna let you move to the shitty part of town because you couldn't stay where you were!"

"Babe. I. I'm so fucking confused right now. What the hell is happening?" Tears were swimming behind Beca's eyes.

"I'm leaving you, Beca. That's why they're here. I told them what I was going to do and asked them to come over for comfort." Stacie had the decency to look a little guilty. 

Beca looked at their friends. Well, apparently, Stacie's friends. "You guys knew?" They all looked a little sheepish. "For how long?" None of them answered.

"A couple weeks." Stacie answered for them.

Beca gawked at them. "I thought you guys were my friends!" 

A sandy haired guy stepped forward a bit. "We are your friends, Beca. But. Stacie's family. We've known her forever. We couldn't betray her like that."

"No, but you could've at least told me not to buy the damn ring, Gabe! You helped me pick the goddamn thing out a week ago!"

Gabe looked at Stacie and grimaced. "I was gonna tell you, Stace. But I thought you might change your mind and I didn't want to ruin her surprise if you did."

"It's cool. You've always been a closet romantic." Stacie turned back to Beca. "I didn't want to have to do this in front of them, Beca. But you wouldn't go outside with me when I asked you to. You just kept rambling and got down on one knee."

Beca smiled at the floor and chuckled.

"What? What's so funny?" Stacie asked starting to get confused herself.

"Nothing. I just told you this would happen. Like two months after we met, remember? You kept asking me out, and I kept turning you down. I think you thought it was a game. I told you that you'd just end up leaving. I told you I didn't want to lose any of you. I had literally just moved here and all of you guys took me in as one of your own." Beca looked up at all of them with a sad smile. 

Then she turned to Stacie. "And I told you I didn't want to risk it. I lost my own family because I wanted to follow my dreams instead of going to college. I thought I found a place. A family. You finally convinced me to let you in. I believed you. God, I believed you. I should've known better." Beca sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Well maybe you should've went to college. My dad would never let me marry you anyways. You're not going anywhere. You're literally living gig to gig."

"Maybe that's a little harsh." A pixie cut blonde spoke up.

"Well, it's the truth, Ash! Someone needs to tell her! She spends hours day and night hunched over her laptop and it hasn't gotten her anywhere!" Stacie turned back to Beca. "You're either mixing, working a temp job, or playing at random dinky clubs for barely a buck! I'm sorry to be the one to squash your dreams, but you're the one who moved to LA without a damn plan! You just thought everything would work itself out! You're a dreamer, Beca! And dreamers don't get anywhere! I'm going to be a doctor! And you wanted me to marry you? Are you insane?!"

By this time Beca was hollow. Her face was blank and her heart wasn't racing. Tears were no longer falling down her face. Beca pulled the ring back out of her pocket. And pulled Stacie's right hand into her own and placed the ring in it. "Keep it. Sell it. I don't even care." Beca turned and headed for the hall.

"Where do you think you're going? I told you to leave!"

"Well I kind of need some stuff, Stacie! I wasn't exactly packed for the occasion!" Beca slammed the bedroom door shut behind her. 

Stacie turned back to her friends. "Was that too harsh?"

They all said in unison "yes."

"But she wouldn't have left otherwise! She would've convinced me to try! I just can't do it anymore!"

Gabe came forward and pulled Stacie into a hug. "I know sweetie. I know you love her. I know you would've said yes if your dad hadn't threatened to pull you out of college. And if you had told her the truth, she would've tried to convince you to let her stay. This is for the best. This is your future we're talking about. Your dream. It may hurt now. But it'll get better."

All of her friends knew the real reason for the split, so they all piled around Stacie and hugged her tightly. As they pulled away, Stacie saw Beca heading to the front door. "Beca-"

"Save it." Beca slammed the door as she left. 

Stacie fell to her knees sobbing. "She hates me."

Ash spoke up this time. "Probably. But she also loves you. If you're meant to be, you'll find each other again. Once you're done with school, your dad can't hold anything over you."

Stacie scoffed as she wiped her tears. "She will never trust me again. You have no idea what it took to get her to trust me two years ago. Just to go on one damn date with me. And now she has no one here. No one to lean on. No support."

"You'll just have to tell her the truth of why you did it. She'll understand. She's a smart girl." Her other friend Mike piped in.

"You guys don't get it. She's never going to believe a word that comes out of my mouth. And when I'm done with school? Six years?" She scoffed again. "That girl is the sweetest, most caring person I know. The next person she's with is going to fall head over heels like I did and they'll be married with kids by then. No I made my choice. And now I have to live with it."

* * *

The club was packed. Bodies were rubbing against Stacie as the music pounded. She was swaying to the beat when a voice appeared in her ear.

"Let's go back to VIP. I need some shots!"

Stacie turned and smile at the blonde. "You got it!"

Stacie led her girlfriend up the roped off stairs and was greeted by the rest of her friends. "Dr. Conrad! We need to get two ccs of tequila in you, stat!"

Stacie rolled her eyes. "You guys are ridiculous! I've missed you so much! This last year was crazy! I'm officially a doctor!" All of her friends started squealing and her girlfriend gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

The waitress came by and got their drink orders as they settled around the seats. The VIP area was much quieter. Better for conversation. "I can't believe you're finally a doctor. I'm so proud of you!"

Stacie smiled sweetly at her girlfriend. "Thanks, Bree. This last year was so rough. The residency kicked my ass. But I'm done!"

Gabe plopped down on the other side of Stacie. "So what now Dr. Conrad? Any offers on a position?"

Aubrey smiled at her to encourage her to spill the beans.

Stacie smiled back. "Actually, yes. I got the offer to stay on at UCLA medical in the pediatric division!"

"No way!" Ash screamed. "That's what you wanted!"

"I know! It's so great! Thanks for coming out tonight guys. It means a lot."

Gabe smiled fondly at her. "No worries. Sorry everyone else couldn't make it. They wanted to."

Stacie sighed. "It's ok Gabe. You don't have to lie. I've been letting them drift away from me for years. You and Ash were the only ones stubborn enough not to let me go."

They all chuckled as Aubrey furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

Stacie sighed. "Uh. Well. Our group used to be a lot bigger. But. About seven years ago things started going south and with school and everything I pretty much pushed everyone away."

"Yeah." Ash pointed at Stacie. "But now there are no excuses! You better text back more than once a month asshole."

They laughed again but Aubrey was still confused. "Babe. We've been dating for over a year and you never told me about this?"

"Nows really not the time to get into babe. Let's just enjoy the night. Hey, is your friend still coming? The one you went to undergrad with? What was her name? Chloe?"

"Oh! Yeah. She's supposed to meet her girlfriend first and then she'll be up to meet us."

"Do I need to go down and make sure she's on the list?" 

"No no. Her girlfriend got her on there." Aubrey was digging her hole and she knew it. Chloe warned her not to tell anybody who her girlfriend was but she had a hard time keeping anything from Stacie.

"Really? Who's her girlfriend. We had to pull some serious strings to get in here tonight. My dad had to call in favors."

"The DJ." Aubrey's hand flew over her mouth. "Shit! I wasn't supposed to say that! Please act cool guys and don't ask her about it! She was very specific!"

"Your friend is dating DJ Waste?!" Gabe shouted and squealed. "Oh my god! That's insane! You have to get her to get Waste to meet us."

Aubrey rolled her eyes. "Even if she did agree to meet you, she'd do it in her mask! I don't even know who she really is! It's not like you'd actually meet her."

"Yeah but I could still say I shook hands with a multiple Grammy winning music producer and the most sought after DJ on the planet! I think that's enough!"

"Ok ok. Can we all calm down? I haven't met Chloe yet and I want to make a good impression on her. She's Bree's best friend so let's all just chill!" Stacie got in between her girlfriend and best friend. 

Ash piped in. "I just want to see how hot this Chloe chick is. She must be smoking to trap a top star like that."

"Oh she's very pretty." Aubrey took a sip of her cocktail.

Stacie cocked an eyebrow at her. "Oh really? Have something to share babe?"

"Well. I mean." Aubrey looked around nervously. "Uh. I mean we used to date. For like a year or whatever."

Stacie scooted away a little bit. "You used to date? And you're best friends with her?"

"Well yeah. We dated our sophomore year of college. But then my parents found out and they were super rude to her. And since my parents didn't approve I ended it. But we stayed friends."

Stacie's face fell. "How?"

"What do you mean how?"

Gabe and Ash cleared their throat. "Uh. We're gonna go dance." 

Stacie ignored them. "How did you remain friends? How did that not ruin your friendship?"

"Uuummmm. Well. I mean we had mutual friends. And I tried to be as nice about it as possible. I didn't want to hurt her but my family means everything to me. I just told her the truth. That my parents didn't approve and I wasn't willing to lose my family over a relationship. We both cried of course. It was hard, but we made it through. Why?"

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm glad you were able to work it out."

"Yeah. She's awesome. You'll love her! I swear babe we're just friends. She's been with her girlfriend for like five years." Aubrey smiled genuinely at her. 

Stacie tried her best to school her features. A very pretty redhead was sneaking up behind Aubrey with her finger over her mouth. Next thing Stacie knows, this redhead is tickling her girlfriend's side and the blonde is screaming.

"Chloe!" Aubrey jumped up and out of the way of the touchy redhead. "Why are you like this?! One day, you're literally gonna give me a heart attack. And then what will you do?"

"I will laugh at your funeral." Chloe deadpanned.

"Shut up you jerk!" Aubrey pulled Chloe into a hug.

Stacie couldn't help but smile at the two. She stood up and stuck out her hand once their embrace was over. "I guess your Chloe?"

Chloe slapped her hand away and Stacie almost got mad until she was pulled into a tight warm hug.

"And you're Stacie! Bree has told me so much about you! Congratulations on completing your residency!"

Stacie couldn't help but chuckle at the girl's genuine enthusiasm. "Thanks! Yeah it's great! But Aubrey here landed her a pretty spot in the law firm of her dreams!"

"Oh I know!" Chloe turned and smiled at Aubrey. "She's such a go getter! I mean obviously! Snatching up a bombshell like you!" Chloe threw Stacie a wink.

Now normally Stacie didn't have a problem with flirting back, but she felt a little awkward flirting with her girlfriend's ex. So she gave a timid smile and an awkward laugh.

Chloe's jaw dropped and turned to Aubrey. "You told her! Bree! Now she's not gonna like me and be all awkward! I told you not to tell people!" She said jokingly and gave Stacie a little elbow in the side.

Aubrey took that statement completely wrong. "I didn't mean to! We were just talking and I said you were meeting up with her first! Then they asked how you were getting up here because she's spinning tonight and then my brain got all jumbled! I swear I didn't mean to!"

Chloe's smile faded. "What are you talking about?"

"Your girlfriend. What are you talking about?"

"Aubrey! You didn't!" Chlie started slapping her shoulder. "She was going to come up and meet you finally! She won't be able to now that your friends know! Shit! She won't look at her phone until it's too late! Shit shit shit!"

"Until what's too late?" A voice said from behind them.

They all turned around. "Uh hey. I'm Beca." Beca said looking at Aubrey. "You're Aubrey right?" She stuck out her hand to shake the blondes.

"Uh. Yeah. Hi. Uh. Wow you're really pretty."

Beca laughed nervously as she shook the blondes hand. "Uh thanks? I think?" Beca turned to Chloe who looked like she saw a ghost. She strode up and kissed her cheek. "Hey babe. You ok?" 

Chloe nodded but didn't say anything.

Beca turned to the other girl with them. "Hi I'm-"

"Beca?" Stacie whispered out.

Beca dropped her hand. "Stacie." She didn't ask. She knew exactly who was standing in front of her now. "Well. This is sufficiently awkward."


	2. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. This is not the end of the angst but I wanted to show some of the problems that Chloe and Beca were going through but I didn't want the angst to be focused on them so I got that cleared up in this chapter.
> 
> 4,209 words

Beca cleared her throat and turned back to Aubrey. "Well. It was really nice to meet you, Aubrey. Congrats on the job." Beca turned back to Chloe who looked thoroughly confused.

"You two know each other?"

Beca rubbed her nose and scuffed her shoe on the floor. "Uh. No. Not really." Beca pulled Chloe down into a quick kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You're leaving?" Chloe grew concerned. 

"Yeah. You know. Cuz I get tired. After the thing? You know?"

Chloe sighed. "She already knows, Becs."

Beca furrowed her brow and whispered. "I know Aubrey knows."

"No. I mean she let it slip to Stacie. And I'm pretty sure Stacie's friends."

Beca slowly turned to face Aubrey with murder in her eyes. "You did what?" She let out through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know you were coming up here! I just said she was dating the DJ!" Aubrey was trying not to cower under the shorter girls glare.

Beca started breathing hard. She was really trying not to blow up but her whole body felt like it was on fire.

"Becs. Baby. Please calm down. Only Stacie knows your name and she won't tell anybody." Chloe caressed Beca's cheeks. She turned to look at Stacie. "Right, Stacie?"

Stacie cleared her throat. "Uh."

Chloe glared at her.

"Yeah. Uh. Of course, Beca. I wouldn't do that."

Beca spun around to glare at Stacie. "So that means that you will! I swear, Stacie, if you say anything I will make your life a living hell!"

Stacie coward and looked at the ground.

"Hey! Don't talk to her like that!" Aubrey grabbed Beca's shoulder. 

Beca ripped away from her. "Don't touch me!" Beca took some deep breaths. "Chloe. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll come over as soon as I wake up and we'll chill all day. Promise." Beca went to leave but Chloe stopped her.

"Beca. Is this?" Chloe shot her thumb to Stacie. Beca nodded. Chloe's face took on a look of anger. She looked at Aubrey. "We're gonna go."

"No. Babe seriously. You haven't seen your friend in months. I'm just gonna go home and pass out anyways. Stay. Have a good time."

"You really expect me to stay here and socialize with her? No. No way. I'm going to go back to your place and we are going to cuddle in bed and watch Buffy until we fall asleep." Chloe said matter of factly.

"Does somebody want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?" Aubrey fumed as she consoled a crying Stacie. "Chloe, want to tell me why your snobby ass girlfriend made my girlfriend cry?"

Stacie started shaking her head.

"Me?! I'm the fucking snob?! You've got room to talk!"

"Becs don't." Chloe place her hand on Beca's shoulder.

"No! I know what you did Aubrey. You two are peas in a fucking pod! We weren't good enough for you so you threw us away like trash! Well fuck you both!"

"Beca, please! Just hear me out! Five minutes! I swear I didn't mean to hurt you!" Stacie pulled herself out of Aubrey's embrace and moved towards Beca.

Beca stepped back quickly. "Hurt me? Hurt me?! You think you fucking hurt me?! No, Stacie! You fucking destroyed me! I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you! I bought a fucking ring! I proposed! And you stomped my heart out and then wouldn't even let me talk! So fuck you and your five minutes. I have given you too much of my goddamn time already!" Beca had angry tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm out of here." Beca barrelled past Chloe and exited quickly.

Chloe turned back to Stacie, glaring. 

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?!" Aubrey screeched. 

Chloe shook her head. "Would you like to be there to defend yourself, Stacie? Because I only know Beca's side and trust me when I tell you that it isn't pretty."

Stacie nodded. "Yeah I uh. I doubt she lied about anything. She was always a real shit liar. But I'd like to be there. So that Aubrey can break up with me to my face and not through text."

Aubrey softened. "Stace, I'm not leaving you."

Stacie looked up at her through watery eyes. "You say that now but-"

"Ok, well I'm not doing this here. I'm definitely not in the club mood and I'd much rather be comfy. So we can go back to my place and talk through this." Chloe interrupted. 

"Your place? Won't Beca be there?" Stacie furrowed her brow.

"Were you not listening? No. We don't live together." Chloe got aggressively agitated. 

Stacie grew even more confused. "But. But Aubrey said you've been together for five years."

"Yeah. Well. You know what. I'm not getting into this here. Let's go." She knew she shouldn't be doing this. Hell, she didn't even really want to. She just felt like she had to.

* * *

Stacie had already changed into the clothes Chloe loaned her and sat nervously on the couch with Aubrey waiting next to her.

Chloe finally strode back into the living room and sat on the loveseat next across from them. "So. Do you want to start? Or should I?"

"Um. I don't really know where to start." Stacie fidgeted nervously.

Chloe nodded. "Ok. But you know that the only reason you're even here right now is because of Aubrey, right? Like if it weren't for her I probably would've punched you in the face and been on my way."

"Chloe! Be nice!"

Chloe scoffed.

Stacie placed her hand on Aubrey's knee and shook her head. "No. She is being nice. Promise. Just. Please just let us get through everything."

Aubrey furrowed her brow but nodded and mimed zipping her lips.

Chloe sighed. "So. Seven years ago. Stacie broke up with Beca. In front of their friends. After Beca proposed. And then proceeded to tell her what a waste of space she was. At least that's how I interpreted it. Beca only talked about it once and she didn't give too many details. Despite her steely exterior. Beca is way too nice to talk shit on people even if they deserve it."

Stacie nodded. "Yeah. Yeah that pretty much sums it up."

Aubrey scoffed. "I don't believe that. Stacie. I've never seen you be rude to anybody. But that broody little midget-"

"Don't talk about her that way!" Both Stacie and Chloe said at the same time.

Aubrey was taken aback. "Are. Are you still in love with her?"

Stacie sighed. "It's not like that, Bree. She's just really sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly."

"So why do it? Why do something like that to a girl like her? To a girl who loved you?" Chloe spoke directly.

Stacie sighed. "My dad. My dream. My life. Everything."

"You're going to have to explain Stacie because that isn't going to cut it." Chloe crossed her arms and sat back against the cushions.

Stacie fidgeted. "Ok so. My dream had always been to be a doctor. Like. Since I was a toddler. It was my ultimate dream. Some people want to be rock stars or astronauts. Mine was always doctor. And I was privileged enough to grow up with a father who could get me into all the right schools and everything to make that happen. At first he only had one stipulation. That I stay close to home. Which is why I went to UCLA for everything. Umm. The summer before I started my freshman year, I met Beca."

"My father bought me a house for my high school graduation and of course me being eighteen, I had a party. We didn't have anybody to DJ so I hopped on craigslist. And Beca answered. I pursued her relentlessly. My friends loved her and she's gorgeous, obviously, and she was so talented. I just knew I had to have her. She finally agreed-"

"Wait wait wait." Aubrey interrupted. "What do you mean? She turned you down?"

Chloe looked like she was getting agitated but kept her mouth shut.

"Yeah. Like. Numerous times. Which was probably another thing that drew me to her. But anyways. We got together. A year and a half later I asked her to move in with me. And six months after that, I left her. And it wasn't because I didn't love her because I did."

Chloe scoffed.

"I'm serious! Look, what do you think Beca would do if she had to choose between her dream of music and you?"

Chloe rolled her eyes and looked away.

"That's what I thought! My dad didn't like Beca. He thought she was a loser going nowhere in life. So a few weeks before I left her, he sat me down and gave me an ultimatum. Leave her or forget my dream. Leave her or he'd disown me. He was paying for everything, Chloe. Everything. My house, car, insurance, school. And yeah thinking back now I could've gotten a job and tried student loans or whatever. But I was twenty and never had to do any of that. My focus was always mainly on school. All my life I was taught that I just had to get through school and then I could do whatever I wanted. I was scared and confused. I loved her but he is my dad! He always did what was best for me! He never steered me wrong. He never criticized me for being gay. He always supported me. So when he gave me an ultimatum, I panicked. I wanted to make a clean break but you know how she gets when she's nervous. She just rambles and rambles and then next thing I know she's proposing!"

Chloe shook her head. "Did you have to break the girl though?"

Aubrey looked Stacie in the eye. "What did you say?"

Tears came to Stacie's eyes. "I told her everything my dad has ever said about her. Except I made her believe that I was the one who thought those things. I even told her that I only asked her to move in with me out of pity. Because she had lost one of her routine gigs. Even though she worked enough other jobs to get by."

Tears were running down Chloe's cheeks. She could only imagine what all was said. "You really have no idea what you did to her. Did you have to be so cruel?"

Stacie scoffed. "You know her, Chloe! She doesn't give up. She is loyal to a fault! She wouldn't have left if I had told her the truth. She would've begged until I caved. And I just couldn't do it! I wasn't strong enough. And she seems well adjusted! I obviously didn't break her!"

"You didn't break her drive for her career, but you broke her trust! Not just for you but for everyone!"

Stacie scoffed. "You two seem just fine!"

Aubrey stiffened. She knew this was a touchy subject. 

Chloe's tears were falling freely now. "Fine?! We seem fine?! We've been together for five years, Stacie, and we still don't live together! She has never once told me she loves me and I tell her every day! It took her five years to meet just one of my friends! She refuses to meet my family. She refuses to let me meet anyone important in her life. So please, tell me, how are we fine?!"

Aubrey jumped from the couch and went to sit next to Chloe and hold her tight. "Shhh. Sweetie. Why didn't you tell me all of that. I knew you had some issues but damn. Why stay?"

"Because I love her! And I know she loves me! I know because she shows me every day! In the little things. In the texts that she sends or the silly pictures she sends me. How she memorized my coffee order within the first two weeks of knowing each other. How she knows my feet are always cold so she rubs them for me to warm them up before we go to sleep. How she'll be in another country but still randomly fly back for a day to see me. How she sat through all of the recordings of our god awful Bella performances just so she could hear me sing when I wasn't there. She loves me, she's just scared. And I never truly knew why. But now I have a pretty good picture." Chloe wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I think you guys should go." 

"Chlo, you don't need to be alone tonight." Aubrey rubbed her back.

"No. I have to call Beca and tell her what all I found out. I can't keep this from her. I won't. And I hope that me bringing you here doesn't ruin us."

Stacie was trying not to cry. The lump in her throat felt like an anchor. She remembers being loved like that. She remembers the notes that used to be left around the house for her. She remembers being randomly picked up by the surprisingly strong girl and spun around randomly. But she also remembers the I love yous. Beca said them freely and without fear. She remembers the light in her eyes when they moved in together. She remembers the commitment that Beca so freely gave her. But now thanks to her, doesn't seem to be able to give that to a girl who seems to truly love her.

* * *

Chloe finally kicked them out and slowly headed towards her bedroom. She laid on her bed and pulled out her phone to call Beca.

"Chlo? What's up? It's late."

Chloe sighed. "I know. But I have to tell you something." Chloe heard rustling around on the other end.

Beca cleared her throat. "Uh. Yeah ok. What is it?"

"I talked to Stacie. Like invited her and Aubrey over for a bit to have a real conversation type talk." Chloe bit her lip nervously as she picked at her comforter. 

"Uh." Beca sounded nervous. "Ok? What does that mean? Are you- uh- are you breaking up with me?"

"What?! No! Of course not! I love you, you know that. I just wanted you to know that I know what happened. I didn't want to keep that from you."

"Oh. Ok. So. That's good then? We're good?"

"Baby." Chloe whispered softly. "Of course we're good. But."

"Nothing good ever comes after but, Chloe." 

"No no. It's just. I understand you better now I guess? Not because she told me things about your personality that I didn't know. But. She kinda did I guess? Like, now I know why you won't tell me you love me. Or haven't offered to move in together. And why you haven't met my people and I've never met yours."

Silence was Beca's response. 

"Baby. Please don't be mad. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything. I just wanted you to know that I get it now and I'll wait for you forever. I'm not going anywhere." Chloe had tears in the back of her eyes. She was regretting saying anything. 

"I'm coming over."

"What?" Chloe's breath hitched.

"I'm coming over. They're gone right?"

"Yeah! Yeah of course!" Chloe hopped up and ran to her living room To make sure everything was decent. She didn't know why. Beca's been to her house after she threw parties. She was just nervous for some reason. "Come on over. I'll be waiting."

* * *

Beca knocked on the door even though Chloe had given her a key two years ago. She always knocked. She didn't want to intrude.

Chloe answered the door smiling like she did every time she saw Beca. "Hey, baby!" Chloe pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "Come in, weirdo!"

Beca smiled at her and walked in as Chloe locked the door. She hung her jacket over the back of the couch as she sat down. "You looked great tonight by the way. I don't know if I told you that." Her eyes widened in horror. "Not that you don't look great now! I mean you do! You know I love those boy shorts and that cami. I mean. Shit."

Chloe chuckled and smiled at her. "Becs. It's ok. Thank you. And you're adorable." Chloe took the seat next to her as she watched Beca's ears turn red and mumbled a thanks. "So. What's with the surprise visit?"

Beca looked nervously at her as she rubbed her hands along her thighs against her sweats. "Um. Well. I just figured she got to share her side. And I thought it only fair if I got to have a say, ya know?"

Chloe nodded.

"It's just. I'm really nervous." Beca chuckled and shook her head. 

"Becs. You don't need to be nervous. It's just me."

Beca laughed as her neck turned red. "Exactly. It's you. Chloe Beale. And I'm just me. And I have the worst luck and I don't want to lose you by saying too much. Or doing too much."

Chloe furrowed her brow and scooted closer to her. "What do you mean, babe?"

Beca sighed. "It's just. You said what you said and now I'm second guessing myself and don't know what to do. I thought I was doing so good. But. Now I realize I've been hurting you and I never wanted to do that. I was being so selfish."

"Baby, what are you talking about? You're not selfish."

Beca shook her head. "Yes I am. I've been selfish by trying to keep you. You don't deserve what I've been doing to you and I never really thought about how what I've been doing might be hurting you."

Chloe had tears in her eyes. "Are you leaving me?"

Beca mumbled. "No. But you will end up leaving me."

"What?" Chloe placed her hand on Beca's knee. "I didn't hear that, babe."

"I said no but you'll leave me. It's gonna be inevitable after I say what I have to say. Happens every time."

"Becs. I'm not leaving. I love you."

Beca shook her head. "That's what everyone says. And I'm sure you mean it. Just like I'm sure everyone else meant it. But it's inevitable. As soon as I tell you how I feel, things will start going downhill. And I won't know about it until it's too late. I'll think everything is great until one day you're no longer in my life."

Chloe was trying to hold her tears back. "Babe, I-"

"No." Beca shook her head. "Please just let me get this all out so that I don't chicken out."

Chloe nodded.

"I just want you to know that the reason I haven't told you how I feel isn't because I don't feel anything for you. I do. You're my most important person. The reason I haven't asked you to move in with me isn't because I don't miss you, because I do. I want you with me all the time. I just know that eventually I'll end up smothering you and you'll leave. I don't know how to love half assed. I go in head first and don't come up for air. Once I realized how important you were going to be in my life, I had to restrain myself. I had to make sure I wouldn't lose you. So I just made sure that I didn't move forward at all. And that was so selfish of me because you deserve someone who tells you how they feel about you everyday. And I haven't been giving that in fear of losing you."

Beca grabbed Chloe's hand. "I'm tired of being selfish and scared. I never realized what I was doing to you until I heard your voice break earlier. And I never want to hurt you. So I think it's time you know how much you mean to me."

Chloe took a deep breath to calm her nerves. As did Beca.

"I knew I loved you the second I saw you at that museum. You were walking around with your class and I had no idea how I was going to approach you. Luckily for me, one of your kids got lost and I found them. The minute I saw the relief on your face I knew I was hooked. I stumbled my way through the first five minutes of talking to you and somehow got your number."

Chloe smiled. "You said it was incase I lost any more kids and you happened to find them."

Beca chuckled. "Yeah. I do love you, Chlo. So damn much that it hurts sometimes. I think about you when I'm away and I literally feel my heart aching just to be close to you. Just one smile from you and my day is infinitely better. When we manage to spend the night together and I get to wake up wrapped up in you, my soul feels charged and ready for anything. I wish I could wake up every morning to you. You make me so immeasurably happy and I'm sorry that I haven't been giving that to you. I've just been trying to keep you."

Chloe had tears running down her face. She had been waiting so long just to hear those words. "You have me, baby. And you do make me happy."

Beca shook her head and sniffled. "No. I've been holding back while you've just been giving me your all. But, Chloe. Every time I let someone in, they leave. My parents. My friends from home. All of my exes. The friends I made when I first moved here. I've tried my hardest to keep you, because you mean the most to me. You are literally the best person I know and I'm so scared to lose that. All my life people have told me I'm a waste. So. You think Stacie broke me. But that's not quite true. She was just what sealed the deal for me. She just reiterated everything I was told my whole life. And I knew from then on that if I wanted to keep people close, I had to keep them at arm's length."

"So. That's why your name is DJ Waste." Chloe didn't ask. She just knew. Chloe shook her head. "Beca. It's not my place to tell you why Stacie did what she did. And I am not saying at all that she had a right to do it! But I am going to tell you that she didn't mean a word she said that day. And I know you don't believe me. I don't blame you. But I've never seen anyone be that sincere in an apology. Even if it wasn't to the person it needed to be to."

Beca shook her head. "It doesn't matter if she meant the words or not. She still said them and she still left. And I was so damn confused because she was the nicest person I knew at the time. I had never seen her be rude to anyone! But it's like being around me for too long just brings out the worst in people. And I didn't want to do that to you. Which is why I make sure to only spend the night twice a week. It's why I've never asked you to move in with me. I don't want to take you away from the world. It would be so much darker without you."

Chloe smiled as tears were still running down her eyes. "Well. Since everyone has promised they wouldn't leave, and still did anyways, I won't say that. What I will say is that I love you. I love your sarcastic quips and your ear spikes. I love the way you make me laugh. I love the way you touch me. Like I'm the most fragile thing in the world and you're having to hold yourself back from ravishing me. I love the way your hair turns into a nest in the mornings. I love the way you get protective when we're at a club together. I love how you hold me close while I watch a movie and you sleep. I love how much you show me you love me everyday. I love your texts each morning and each night. Beca, baby. I knew you loved me. You show me everyday. And I'm not asking you to believe that I won't leave. I'm asking you to let me prove it to you. I'm not going to try and force you to believe me. When we're eighty three, watching our great grand kids playing in our yard, I'll still be proving to you that I won't leave. I want you. All of you. You really think you can suffocate me with affection?" Chloe scoffed. "Do you even know me?!" She said teasingly.

Chloe smiled mischievously at Beca. "You can doubt me all you want for the rest of our lives. You know why?"

Beca shook her head trying to wipe her own tears away.

"Because I love proving people wrong. And when I'm old and grey and on my deathbed. You know what my last words are gonna be?"

Beca gave her a small smile. "What?"

"Told ya so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are great.


	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo. Yep. I like this chapter but then I dont? I dont know. It's hard for me to write Staubrey. I'm trying though. I think I got my point across. Ugh.
> 
> 2,359 words

It was late and they were both exhausted by the time they got back to Stacie's place. 

Aubrey wasn't sure what was going through her mind. "So. I don't even know what to say." She said as she sat on Stacie's couch.

Stacie took the clothes Chloe loaned her off and sat down too.

"Seriously, Stacie?! Why are you naked?"

"I felt gross wearing her clothes. It's like I could feel her judging me on my skin. And it seemed like you wanted to talk about it. So. Here I am."

"And you weren't wearing underwear because?"

"I was kind of hoping we'd have a quickie in the bathroom at the club tonight. That obviously didn't go as planned." Stacie was serious as could be as she said this.

Aubrey rolled her eyes. "Ok well can you go put some clothes on? It's distracting and I think we should talk about what happened tonight."

"Ugh. Fine." Stacie huffed and went to her room to put on clothes. 

Aubrey was fidgeting on the couch as she waited. She had been with Stacie for a year and had never seen her so emotional. So attached. She knew what she wanted to talk about, she just didn't know if she wanted to know the answer. 

Stacie came back into the room but it didn't look like she was really there. Like her head was a million miles away.

"What are you thinking about?" Aubrey asked nervously.

Stacie sighed. "How I could've screwed up so horribly with Beca."

Aubrey frowned. "You're still in love with her, aren't you? I know you said it wasn't like that but I've never seen you react that way towards someone."

Stacie fidgeted. "Look. I don't want to say the wrong thing here."

A tear fell down Aubrey's cheek. "There is no wrong thing. I just need to know how you feel."

"About you? Easy. I love you. You're awesome. You're sexy yet sophisticated. You're opinionated and strong. You turn into a cuddle monster at night. You stick up for me when no one else does. You make me want to be better. But for Beca? That's a lot more complicated."

"Well uncomplicate it for me, because I'm trying not to freak out here."

Stacie scooted as close as she could and pulled Aubrey's hands into her own but Aubrey pulled away. Stacie sighed. "I don't really know what to say about it, Bree. I've never not been into her. I didn't want to leave her to begin with. But does that mean I love you any less? No. Absolutely not. But I can't sit here and tell you that I don't have feelings for her because that's simply not true. I don't want to lie to you. But am I in love with her? I don't know. I don't know because I don't even know who she really is anymore. The last time I saw Beca, she was this snarky little twenty year old who liked to mix music any spare chance she got and refused to sleep with socks on. I don't know her anymore. But am I still in love with the girl she used to be? Yes. And I can't help that. I always have been."

Aubrey was trying to hold herself together. She did not like this one bit. "So where does that leave us?"

"Well. It leaves us right here. Where I'm in love with you. Also I'm in love with a ghost of a girl I no longer know. And also. What the fuck is my life? What are the chances that my ex girlfriend is dating your ex/best friend? I mean. What?" Stacie tried to break the tension.

Aubrey chuckled a little. "Yeah. It's like someone had to think up this weird ass plot for our lives ."

"Do you think our dads had any idea how fucked up they made our situations just by introducing us?" Stacie chuckled. 

Aubrey sobered. "Look, Stacie. I love you and you know that. But it was really unsettling for me to hear what you did to your ex. I mean. Why be so needlessly cruel? I know I can be harsh sometimes but, Jesus. Not like that."

Stacie bowed her head. "I don't know. At the time I thought it was the only way I could push her away. Hearing what happened between you and Chloe has made me question that but, on the other hand, I don't think I could have stayed friends with Beca. I just don't think that was in the cards for us."

The blonde gave her a confused look. "Why? That doesn't make any sense. Why throw away someone who was so important to you?"

Stacie sighed. "That's exactly it, Bree. She was too important to me. There was no way I could have her in my life and not be in love with her. She was the only one who made me feel important. Not my career goals or daddy's money. Me. She cared about me in a way I've never had before. She made sure I was happy. She loved me and she didn't care if I wanted to be a doctor or a clown. As long as I was happy, that's what she wanted for me. It was addicting in every sense of the word. I literally craved her. She made me feel sane and normal for once in my life. It took everything I had to push her away and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it again so I had to make sure it was permanent. And it may be selfish and cruel but at the time it was what I needed in order to get through it."

Aubrey blinked back tears and looked down at her lap. "I don't make you feel that way?"

Stacie grabbed her hands. "It's different with you, Bree. You're like. My rock. Stable and loyal. You keep me grounded. You help me stay focused and push me to be the best. You hear what I want in life and push me to do it. So many times I wanted to drop my residency. You helped me stay focused on the goal. You are beautiful and strong. Independent and powerful. You're like. Like my lioness. And Beca? Well. She was like my raccoon." Stacie furrowed her brow. "Wait. Does that make sense? It makes sense in my head."

Aubrey tried to stifle her laugh. "Raccoon? Why? Because the makeup?"

Stacie laughed. "No! Ok. So. You're a lion. Everyone knows you're fierce. You're beautiful and majestic but you will rip someone to shreds if it means protecting what's yours. Beca? She's like. Ok. So no one really expects a raccoon to fuck you up but they so will. She's sneaky fierce. Like no one expects it. You think you can fuck with her until she proves you wrong. And she's so beautiful. Like it's ridiculous how pretty she is but you have to take a good look at her to know it. And she's so smart. People don't realize how smart she is until she's dropping knowledge on you like she was born with it. That's why her dad wanted her to go to college so bad. He thought she could make something of herself. Clearly she still did, but still. And of course she's like nocturnal. And mischievous. She'd randomly sneak us into places. Like one time she managed to sneak us into the zoo after dark. We didn't get to see anything. We had to stay two steps ahead of security the whole time, but still."

Aubrey nodded. Even though it was a ridiculous analogy, she understood it. She sighed. "I really want to be mad. But. I get what you mean. Well kind of. Beca was your fun place. She was like Chloe was to me. So spontaneous and adventurous. I think that had something to do with why my parents parents didn't like her for me. One time she convinced me to ditch class on a Friday and go spend the weekend in a hostel in New York. I don't know why she thought it was a good idea. My phone ended up getting stolen. Which is how my parents found out. But we really did have fun."

Stacie smiled at that. "Oh god. How are those two not in jail by now?"

Aubrey frowned. "Chloe never really went into details with me. But. I don't think Beca really invested the time like she did with you."

Stacie shook her head. "I don't know what goes on in their relationship, but I can tell you that Beca wouldn't be with her if she didn't want to be. I wouldn't worry about Chloe. Beca isn't one to stray or hurt someone intentionally."

Aubrey rubbed her hands over her face. "Why haven't we had the ex talk before?"

"Well. There's not much to talk about. Before Beca, I had a few flings here and there. Nothing too serious. Some lasted a couple months. And then after Beca, well. I didn't date anyone. I had a few one night stands but. I didn't date anyone until you. And I didn't really want to talk about Beca. Ever. I was terrible to her and I didn't want you to think that that was the type of person that I am."

Aubrey looked at her wide eyed. "What?! I'm your first relationship since her?! Why?!"

"Well." Stacie scratched the back of her neck. "It just didn't feel right? I don't know. I never really thought about it. I never wanted to date anyone. It felt weird. Like I was betraying her or something. Which I know is dumb! Trust me. I know. But that's how it felt. And then every time I'd sleep with someone I felt gross. I don't know. Until you. When my dad wanted me to meet you, I did it just to humor him. I wasn't expecting to feel anything with you. I never had with people before. But. For some reason, being with you didn't make me feel guilty or gross. It made me feel safe. It still does. You still do. I don't want to lose you, Aubrey. Not over this. Not over my past."

Aubrey shook her head. She was trying to remain calm. "I just. Ugh. Ok. You told me how you feel, now it's my turn. I feel like second choice. There."

"Bree! That's not true. I love you. I want to be with you. I'm here aren't I?"

"Ok. Fine. Then answer one question for me. If Beca were to walk in here right now and said she wanted you back, what would you do?" Aubrey was met with silence. "That's what I thought." She stood up and went to grab her purse.

"No no!" Stacie stood and pulled Aubrey around to face her. "You didn't even let me think! You want an honest answer but don't give me two seconds to think about it?! Come on!"

"You shouldn't have to think about it, Stacie! If I'm not second choice, you shouldn't have to think about it." Aubrey pulled away.

"I'd want the both of you!" Stacie was breathing deeply trying to control the burn behind her eyes. "There! You happy now? If I'm completely fucking honest. I'd want both of you."

Aubrey shook her head as tears went down her cheeks. "That's not how life works, Stacie! I need to go."

"Bree, baby please! Don't leave. Not like this. This is not how this night was supposed to go!"

"And how was it supposed to go? Huh? Keeping me in the dark while you harbored feelings for your ex for the rest of your life? What the fuck, Stacie?!"

"No! I was supposed to meet your friend. We were supposed to have fun and celebrate me being able to have a normal life again. We were supposed to laugh and drink and I was supposed to impress your best friend so that I could get her seal of approval. And then maybe someday, when we're more stable, I would've told you about Beca. But why would I just randomly tell you about someone I was so in love with? Why would I give you all those details? That doesn't even make sense, Aubrey, and you know it! I eventually would've said there once was a girl, we were in love, it didn't work. End of it. None of this shit was supposed to happen!"

"Well it did. And now I need to think. And I think you do too." Aubrey sniffled. 

"Are you-" Stacie muffled a sob with her hand. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Aubrey wiped her own tears away. "I don't know. I think we need a break. Just. Reevaluate for a minute. Let the smoke clear and then we can see where we stand." Aubrey didn't wait for Stacie to respond before she flew out the front door. The last thing she heard was a sob and something hitting the floor.

* * *

"Told ya so."

Beca laughed and pulled the redhead into her. "You're an idiot."

Chloe smiled. "Yeah, but you love me. You already said it. No take backs."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Beca pulled Chloe in to meet her lips. About five seconds into the kiss, Chloe's doorbell rang. Beca pulled away and furrowed her brow. "Who the hell would be at your house this late?" 

Chloe shook her head. "I don't know." She looked a little scared.

"Just stay here. I'll be right back."

"No!" Chloe pulled Beca back down onto the couch. "It could be a murderer! You can't answer the door this late!"

"Babe. Relax. I'll use the peephole."

Chloe smiled mischievously. "Can you even reach it?"

Beca laughed and shoved her shoulder. "Shut up. Just wait right there. Maybe also get your phone out ready to call nine one one. Just in case." Beca winked.

Chloe rolled her eyes as Beca made her way to the door. But she did indeed get her phone out.

Beca peeked out through the peephole. She hurried and opened the door. "Aubrey?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are great.

**Author's Note:**

> Look. You were warned. If you don't want this to be Bella squared please do not read on. Let it end here.


End file.
